YA literature can’t exist without YA authors but it’s hard to get in the game. Jen and I understand. We’ve been there. We still ARE there! But there are days when it feels like we’re all alone–like everyone else is doing it, and doing it better. You know what I mean, don’t you?
Scrolling through our social media platform of choice, we’ve all experienced this:
Another writer: “Just landed the agent of my dreams, and so excited to be rep’d by #thebestbookagentagencyever!”
My response: “OMG, that’s fantastic! Congratulations!” (insert heart emoji, clapping emoji, celebration emoji, star emoji)
I then repeat one of my favorite affirmations from yoga class: There’s plenty for everyone, and this includes me.
Another writer: “Mind BLOWN, cannot believe #1NYT best-selling author is going to blurb my debut book!”
My response: “That’s incredible! SO happy for you!” (insert smiley emoji, celebration emoji, heart emoji, clapping emoji)
There’s plenty for everyone, and this includes me.
Another writer: “My book earned out and is going back for a second printing! Also, vague but exciting publishing news I can’t WAIT to share!”
My response: “How amazing! So proud of you!” (insert clapping emoji, heart emoji, face with hearts emoji, celebration emoji)
There’s plenty for everyone, and this includes me.
The above scenario is fictional (mostly), but we’ve all been there. We live in a hyper-connected world where we’re able to know what’s happening almost as fast as it happens. And, thanks to social media, we’re able to be acutely aware of what’s happening in a lot of people’s lives. As of 2023, the average person on Facebook has 338 friends. The average person on Instagram follows 150 people, and the average Twitter user follows approximately 700 people. That adds up to 1,180 people you’re regularly getting life updates from, and while obviously we aren’t close friends with or deeply invested in everyone we follow, that’s still a large number of people to hear about on a daily basis.
When it comes to social media, research also indicates that most people share significantly more positive posts than negative ones, and there’s evidence linking social media use to sadness, envy, depression, and loneliness. Thankfully, there’s been some movement towards being more genuine and sharing how you’re really doing online, but it’s not the norm yet, which means every time you log on to a particular platform, you’re seeing hundreds of exciting, news-worthy, celebratory, #humblebrag posts about the successes other people are having…successes you desperately want for yourself.
So, how you offer genuine support to those you’re connected with without becoming exhausted, bitter, resentful, or jealous of their successes? Here are things that have worked for me as I’ve navigating the business of being a writer:
Assess your motivations
Are you following someone because you’re genuinely interested in their content? Because you know and like them in real life? Because you hope they will buy your book and tell people about it? I’ve become selective about the people I follow, and I tend to follow them after engaging with them in some other way, like through a workshop or writing group, which leads me to my next suggestion…
Nurture connection, not competition
Engage in activities where you meet and interact with other writers, either in-person or virtually. Attend writing workshops, join a writing group, enroll in an online class, and connect with people before following them on social media. I’m much more excited for someone’s success when I know more about them than just what they post on social media. If I know your dog struggles with seizures and your husband loves woodworking and your sister sings in a church choir and your cat knocked over your favorite plant and your granddaughter just got her first tooth and, and, and…you’re not just someone racking up successes, you’re a person whose life has highs, lows, good days, bad days, and everything in between. I can relate to that.
Follow people outside of your writing genre
This might be seen as a cheat, or it might just be a good mental health practice, but sometimes it’s nice to follow people who don’t do what you do. It can be much easier to be excited for someone who’s won an award when it’s not an award you were competing for. It’s super easy for me to be genuinely excited when my memoir-writing friends have a major success because I don’t write memoirs. I also follow a lot of animal-focused organizations, bird watchers, and nature lovers because they have nothing to do with my job as an author and add beauty to my timeline.
Remember that another author’s success does NOT equal your failure
It’s perfectly normal and completely okay to feel sad, disappointed, or let down when you don’t get something you really wanted, like an agent, a publishing deal, a particular blurb, or having your book turned into a film. There are times you can’t just stop that pang of jealousy or that less-than-kind thought. But if you stop there, you’re feeding into the competition mentality. When you genuinely value the people in your author circle and appreciate the relationships you form beyond hoping they repost about your latest book, it’s so much easier to feel authentically excited over their success. It might take some mental rewiring, but you can learn to see something as good for another person without it being bad for you. Someone else’s success does not equal your failure. When it comes to being a writer, the mantra There’s plenty for everyone, and this includes me could be rewritten as There are plenty of readers for every book out there, and this includes mine.
I’d love to hear how you foster connection over competition and how you protect your mental health across social media platforms. Let me know, and here’s to being in this together!