One of the reasons I enjoy writing in the young adult genre so much is because I love the intensity and chaos of this particular time in a person’s life. Along with heightened emotions and swirling hormones comes falling in and out of love. Sometimes falling in and out of love happens with the same person and other times it happens with a bunch of different people. While love follows no rules and love-related tropes exist for a reason, I have to admit I’m not personally a fan of the instalove trope. Just so we’re clear, I don’t dislike the instalove trope because I don’t believe it’s possible.
I know love at first sight is very real.
I’ve experienced it myself.
I will never forget the first time I saw Cameron, the man I’m now married to. He walked into a room, our gazes locked, and I felt like his blue-grey eyes saw all the way into the depths of my soul (I know, feel free to groan or vomit or stop reading). There was undoubtedly an instant connection, but the timing was completely wrong. I’d just started a rigorous doctorate program, and he was recently divorced with two young children. While we both wished things were different, it was clear the universe had other plans, and we lost touch when I left California and moved to the East Coast for internship. Ten years passed, but I never forgot him. I couldn’t help occasionally wondering, “What if?” even though it was a pointless exercise because that part of my life was over and done with, never to be revisited again. I mean, honestly, who gets a second chance at true love a decade later? This is my life, not a romance novel.
Or so I thought.
In 2017 I said goodbye to my tenure-track academic position and moved back to California, determined to address my mental health needs and follow my heart by giving the book I was working on a chance to come to life. I also let those “What if?” thoughts occupy a little more space in my brain and reconnected with Cameron on social media, just to see if perhaps that connection from so long ago was still there.
I’m happy to say the connection was still there, and the timing was finally right for the relationship we both wanted. Cameron and I have been together for six years now, and being with my instalove has taught me a lot about relationships.
So many people think instalove is the end, when really, it’s just the beginning. Yes, it certainly makes things easier when you’re wildly in love with your partner, but being in love doesn’t automatically mean you know how to be in a relationship together. Relationships take time…you need time to get to know your partner, and they need time to get to know you. So, maybe it’s not the instalove trope per se I’m against…it’s the sense that love conquers all and love is enough and all you need is love and once you find your person everything else will magically fall into place.
One of the things I made a point to focus on in my books, “Reign Returned” and “Blood Divided,” was the relationship between my main characters, Kyra and Sebastian. They’re unquestionably fated soulmates, but what next? How do they navigate the individual lives they’ve built now that they’re in a relationship? How do they create new traditions together? How do they allow themselves to be vulnerable and how do they effectively communicate their needs to one another? These are the questions I’m most interested in exploring in my writing (probably due to my psychology background), and I hope it provides readers with ideas for how to make their own present or future relationships stronger.
This is absolutely not a knock against the instalove trope itself. Plenty of readers love it, and if you’re one of them, good for you! Always read what makes you happy. I just think it’s important to know that love isn’t the end…it’s actually the beginning, and where a relationship goes from there is completely up to the people involved.